Then New year. That was hard, the thought of going into a new year that Ethan would not ever get to see.
My memories of him come thick and fast now, I try to focus on the memories that make me smile and I avoid thinking about the few days leading up to his death, and about his death itself.
I dont want to think of him as gone, how can I as parent even consider that my child has gone forever. For now I just focus on the times that made me smile.
I think of my little golden haired every single day.
I think of everything that he will miss, that I will miss.
I think of poems that I have read in years gone past, poems I read for other friends who sadly lost their child. Poems I am now reading in a different light. I still sit and cry, and think I will for many years to come. Yet I get up and smile and carry on. And on it goes.
My Mom is a Survivor - author unknown
My Mom is a survivor, or so I've heard it said.
But I can hear her crying at night when all others are in bed.
I watch her lay awake at night and go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with her to help her understand.
But like the sands on the beach that never wash away . . .
I watch over my surviving mom, who thinks of me each day.
She wears a smile for others . . .a smile of disguise!
But through Heaven's door I see tears flowing from her eyes.
My mom tries to cope with death to keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her knows it is her way to survive.
As I watch over my surviving mom through Heaven's open door . . .
I try to tell her that angels protect me forevermore.
I know that doesn't help her . . .or ease the burden she bears.
So if you get a chance, go visit her . . .and show her that you care.
For no matter what she says . . .no matter what she feels.
My surviving mom has a broken heart that time won't ever heal