A few close members of the family joined me at the hospice before hand to place more trinkets in with Ethan and to give him a final kiss. He still looked like he was just sleeping. I stayed in the room with my partner D while the lid was placed on, as I wanted to be able to stay until the very last minute possible.
The staff at the hospice as ever were fantastic and they lined the hall of the Hospice to pay their respects to Ethan and to whisper "Goodbye Ethan". I was very very touched by them all and knew that Ethan had made such a big impact on everyone he had met.
Ethan's casket was decorated with stars and rainbows.
The funeral Directors Harry Williams and sons - their representative being Joe were so lovely and caring taking best care of myself and Ethan.
Many friends and family came to say their goodbye at the crematorium. I was touched to see so many people. The service was lovely - the Euelogy I had written with D. The Humanist minister was so lovely and gave Ethan a service fitting for him. It was lovely that Ethan's Grandmother on his Father's side came, along with Ethan's sister and Uncle. His father chose not to attend.
Ethan was brought into the Crematorium to the theme tune of In The Night Garden. The spoken words seemed very fitting.
Then we sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Row Row Row your boat, Nanny Jackie even did the scream at the end!
Ethan's Grandmother, my step-Mother read a poem as did I and Ethans Grandmother - Ethans father's mother. We sang "you've got a friend in me" from toy story, a film Ethan loved. Then we listened to "Somewhere over the rainbow". Ethan's last piece of music was "You are my sunshine" a song I would sing to Ethan and indeed I sung to him the night he passed away.
After the service people were invited to sign a memory book and to look at Ethan's wonderful flowers. Then 10 balloons - in the shape of a star were released.
Afterwards we went to the Holiday Inn in Cambridge for cup cakes - and tea/coffee or something stronger. In the middle of the gathering the fire alarm went off and we all had to evacuate the hotel! People were coming out of the spar dressed in towels and dressing gowns and were barefoot! That gave me a giggle and people said that Ethan had been pressing buttons.
That night I was very tired and fell asleep quickly but woke up at midnight and could not get back to sleep.
It is still hard to comprehend that I will not see Ethan again. Memories of him and indeed of the last week or so keep coming back to me in waves.
Ben was so good at the service and has coped very well with everything.
Yesterday the day after the funeral, Ethan's flowers were brought to The Royal Botanical Gardens Cambridge and were laid with the help of two lovely friends A&A in the Childrens Garden there. They will remain there until they fade then they will be placed onto the compost heap and then the compost used in the childrens area. The botanical gardens opened in Ethan's honor at 9am yesterday just so that my friends and I could place the flowers. They then closed the school garden just for yesterday in his memory.
The botanical gardens is where Ethan learnt to run - not long after he started walking, and indeed in the last few weeks when we could not go far due to oxygen restrictions we visited teh gardens many many times. Ethan fed the ducks there and laughed and laughed every time they quacked.
After school I took Ethan's siblings to see the flowers and run around the garden. We placed stars in the trees near to the flowers and secretly placed a ceramic frog on a lily pad.
For those that wish the funeral service went as follows;
This is what was said at Ethan's funeral service. The eulogy I had written with help from D who edited it. Ethan's father did not wish to know anything about the funeral details (other then when the funeral was so he could tell people) despite my trying to involve him.
25th September 2013
In the night garden opening theme
Ethan was born 16 weeks early at Southend hospital on October 23rd 2009. He had only 24 weeks to prepare for life in the world. He weighed just 1 pound 11 ounces. He was unable to breathe for himself and lived on a breathing machine in an incubator for four months. The first year of his life was spent in and out of the intensive care units of several of our greatest hospitals as he received treatment for the many complications that very premature children are prone to.
Ethan was born a fighter. Right up until his last day he fought to overcome every obstacle that was put in his way. He was full of character and such strength, even from the beginning when he was so very small. He hated his nappy and would wait for his nurse to turn her back before pulling it off and waving it around the incubator, covering it and himself in the contents. Ethan spent a long time crawling and he got to be very fast at it. One time Nicky was tidying the house only to catch a glimpse of blond curly hair disappearing into the hallway. Ethan had let himself out of his playpen and had come to find her, but not before destroying his brother’s Lego tower.
Ethan loved his siblings and people close to him. He loved older children. He loved nothing better than to steal Ben’s glasses, to give Megan a cuddle and to play with Oliver and Eliza, shrieking with delight when they came home from school. He loved singing with his nanny Jackie- especially the Frog song and would call and look for her when she was out of the room. He had a special smile for everyone. He loved his aunties and uncles they have lovely memories of him.
Ethan started at nursery school aged three in January of this year. He kept it to himself that he had learned to walk for a good half term until Nicky pointed out to his teachers that he was running around at home. He loved music and could sing back a variety of songs, often after just one hearing. Naturally he expected a round of applause after each recital.
We then sang Twinkle Twinkle and Row Row Row your boat and gave a round applause afterwards
Ethan's Headmistress Margaret Rimmer from kingsdown school then spoke about her time with Ethan.
"I feel both privileged and honoured to speak at this extremely sad but very special service.
When I think of Ethan I feel a sense of wonder. Yes he was a very good looking boy, yes he had a wonderful engaging smile, but there was so much more to him, he never ceased to amaze me.
I first met Ethan, when I showed him and his mother around Kingsdown school. Whist doing this I told him that one of my favourite songs is the Kingsdown School Song. I then started to sing it to him. When I had finished, he looked at me and started to hum it! I was absolutely astounded. The song is original, so he could not have heard before. This is a song that takes my new staff quite some time to learn.
Ethan had musical talent. I believe he had many talents.
Ethan started school on 8th January. He quickly settled and was always willing to join in, but this was sometimes on his terms. On one occasion the aim was to paint a boat blue, but Ethan had other ideas. He wanted to paint himself; and he was very successful. Despite staff trying to clean him Ethan went home looking like a smurf.
At Ethan's initial review meeting his progress was discussed. When Nicky said "When Ethan walks", I looked at her quizzically and said "He doesnt walk". After the meeting Ethan was brought out to the reception area, where his mother lifted him out of the buggy and he immediately walked across the hall. I was amazed; I can clearly see a cheeky smile on his face. After that he was happy to walk in school. When I think of Ethan I have to smile.
Ethan loved to swim in the school pool and he enjoyed looking at the logo on the pool floor.
He was such an engaging child who had a positive impact on everyone who met him. To me he was and is like a shining star
It was a joy to have Ethan at Kingsdown school.
He enjoyed school and Kingsdown enjoyed him.
Ethan was such a very special boy who showed amazing determination and courage. I am sure he will always be fondly remembered by everyone who knew him.
I know I will."
A poem called Dreams which is written by Helen Clarke was read out, partly by the minister and partly by Ethan's Grandmother Tracy.
My dreams for you, my precious child…
My dreams were for your childhood,
Playing with your siblings,
Your first Dinner, first drink, first word.
Your first day at school,
Riding a bike, running through the waves
Your first love in life, your first poem,
Your first job.
And now… my dreams have changed.
I cannot have the realisation
Of those first precious dreams.
I have different dreams, different imaginings of you.
I dream of where you are now,
I dream of what you would look like,
Sound like, feel like, if you were with me now.
I dream of you being happy, peaceful, free from pain.
I see you in the clouds, in the butterfly, the flickering candle.
I hear you in the wind rustling through the trees,
The waves crashing on the shore.
I dream of being able to embrace you again,
Tell you I love you, share your life once more.
I dream that, one day,
My life will feel joyful again,
Even without you.
I dream that my loss of you
Will someday become an experience of growth,
Of learning, of strengthening.
I grieve the dreams I cannot have come true.
I await the fulfilment of my newfound dreams.
And in the meantime, I dream…
I dream..
I dream..
We then sang "You've got a friend in me" in honor if the fact Ethan loved toy story and that he had so many friends. I love the words.
I then read out a poem;
Never Far Away
If I could take a minute out of each and every day,
To hold my child close to my heart and kiss his tears away,
If I could take a minute out of each and every week,
To play with blocks and peek-a-boo, tag or hide and seek,
If I could take a minute of any span of time,
I’d never waste a second of the pleasures that were mine
If he could crawl upon my knee and lay his sleepy head
Upon my shoulder, so tenderly and dream of gingerbread
I’d spend my time in total bliss and watch my small son grow,
From childhood to adulthood knowing all there is to know.
If I could stop my aching heart and put my mind asleep,
If I could stop the flow of tears that are always on my cheek
If I only had one minute, I would hold him close and tell him he is loved
And then we’ll let him go.
We then had some time for reflection, to reflect on all Ethan had done and the fact the he had touched so many people.
We listened to over the rainbow by Eva Cassidy.
We then had to say farewell to Ethan. The minister said the following;
With great sorrow and with great love, but without fear, we commit Ethan's body to its final end.
He brought joy and laughter to all those that knew him and loved him.
He leaves wonderful memories,
Because he loved, others loved.
Because he laughed, others laughed, and will laugh again.
But now the journey is over,
Too short, alas, too short.
It was filled with laughter and love,
Courage and grace.
So Farewell, farewell.
The peace of the runningwater to you,
The peace of the flowing air to you,
The peace of the quiet earth to you,
The peace of the shinning stars to you
All the love and care of us all to you.
The minister then went on to say among other things that "The song has ended but the melody lives on".
Ethan's Grandmother diane then read the following poem;
Parts of our hearts forever
Could we ever forget your sparkling eyes,
or the way your brightened each day,
Or you smile which is etched in our memories,
So that you are never far away?
Could we ever forget, those priceless moments?
The answer is of course never,
For you were part of our lives,
For a brief time,
But you'll be part of our hearts forever.
We then listened to the first two verses of "You are my sunshine" before leaving the chapel.
We signed the memorial book and then released 10 blue star balloons.