New new normal

I was speaking to a friend today about how after Ethan was born I had to get used to a new "normal".  In the beginning when he was still in hospital my New Normal was the letter H. Hospital, Home, Homework, Housework.  Life had to go on, Ben still needed me and so did Ethan so my time was spent running between them as best as I could.

Once Ethan came home, it was hospital appointments fitting in with school and housework.  Medical check ups, and play groups plus delivery of medicines and milk. Of course then it was normal to have an emergency bag packed just in case Ethan went back into hospital, which he did do far too many times.

I didnt really think of it, hospital check ups, medicines and milk became my new normal.  Yes there were a few shops I couldnt go into as they had narrow aisles, some without a lift I could not visit.  I dreaded the thought of taking Ethan too far away from home as I knew I would have to arrange oxygen and milk to be delivered to where ever I went.

Now I have a new new normal, life without Ethan. 

Over a year on and it still hurts the same. But I have a new normal, shops I dont think about, places I dont blink at visiting.  At the back of my mind, on the tip of the tongue I go to say "I cant go there as I wont get the buggy in, or its too far".  Then I remember I have my new new normal life.

How I miss the old new normal.