I smile when I look at the photo of Ethan running on the grass with the other children at The Botanic gardens. I remember hearing his giggle that day and his excited shouts and he just ran! He was investigating sticks and stones, looking at leaves and chasing after the children. I remember feeling so proud.
I hate the fact I will not see his little smiley face again, or run my fingers through his curly blond hair. My heart aches at the thought that I just will not be able to hold him again.
I dream of him being alive, and in my dreams I try and rationalise how he could be alive when I know that he has gone. My last dream I was told that Ethan just appeared to be dead but was able to come back. I just accepted that fact and went to watch him play.
Then when I woke I remember he has gone, but I took comfort that in my dreams at least he is alive, in my dreams I held him and kissed his face.
I carry his memory with me every where I go. He is in my heart