I discovered that I can function ok even when I am grieving, though I may have a shorter fuse then normal.
I have discovered, rather unsettling so, that life continues almost as normal. There has been times in the last week, when I have gone to places that I would have last gone with Ethan. The book stall in town when I had to negotiate though the stalls with the huge buggy. I wondered if people would remember Ethan being with me and wonder where he was, or perhaps the look on my face told them everything. Life though just continues to pass by.
I think I can hear Ethan sometimes, normally in the morning. I think I can hear him crying to be taken out of his cot. Or singing and playing. Sometimes I think about something I need to do in the future and I think "That will be difficult with Ethan, must rearrange" then I realise Ethan has gone.
Being able to do things that I wasnt with Ethan is not actually liberating. It is just a reminder that he is not here. That I will not see him smile that massive smile again.
I hope beyond hope that he knew he was loved so very much and always will be.
And life goes on and I move forward taking the memory of Ethan with me.